“All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.” –Anatole France
It’s kind of an oxymoron–constant change. It’s something that I’ve been attempting to come to grips with for several months now. About six months ago, I said to one of my mentors, “I just need some stability in my life!” In return, she said, “Life is always changing.” And, I said, “I know, I know, but I don’t like it!”
At the time of that conversation, I was just in the beginning of what has now been more than seven months worth of different changes and transitions. As I write this, I know there are several more months of change ahead, and the circumstantial stability I seek is no where on the horizon.
As I feel I must justify my sense of instability, let’s take a look at the changing circumstances that have evolved in my life:
July: I sold my first home in preparation to move to Orlando. All my earthly belongings were loaded in a Uhaul by my loving brother-in-law and taken to the great town of Minneola. At the beginning of the month, two of my closest friends were engaged (to each other) on our surfing trip in Costa Rica.
August: After much prayer and wise counsel, I made the decision to stay in West Palm Beach. Because of the sale of my house, my roommate of six years had to make other living arrangements. We parted ways (at least as far as rooming together goes). She moved in with another good friend of ours and I moved in with a family from church. I also resigned from my job of six and a half years at Christ Fellowship. After two weeks off, I was bored, so I began working at Dr. Mark Kuhl’s dentist office. Also in August, one of my best friends (who happens to be my former long time roommate) became engaged. Oh, and I also started graduate school in August.
September/October: I can’t think of anything specific during these months. Just adjusting to a new job, new living situation and the demands of graduate school.
November: Two of my best friends found out they would be having babies (first for one, second for the other).
December: Interviewing for a new job.
January: Just preparing to be in two weddings…showers, bachelorette party, etc… and accepting a new position at Place of Hope.
February: Wedding of two wonderful friends…Congrats Mr. and Mrs. Kotecki! 🙂 End of the dentist career and beginning of job at Place of Hope.
March: Wedding of two more wonderful friends…Congrats soon-to-be Mr. and Mrs. Ainsley! 🙂
April: Wedding of another great friend…Congrats Beth Ann! First big event at new job. Two of my wonderful friends will move two hours away. 😦
Possiblemove for me, too.
May/June: I imagine this will be continued adjustment to the “new life as I know it.”
July: Welcome two new babies into the circle of friends.
So…anyhow. As I continue to walk through this challenging season of transition and change, I recognize more and more that God will use these times to continue to mature me. Also, I don’t think I could have handled an experience like this before this time in my life. I can see how God has surrounded me with friends and mentors who allow me to be myself and allow me to be real. I have such an amazing support system around me, for which I am so very thankful.
When talking to my friend Melanie about how I’d been feeling she pointed out that everything I think will fulfill me, will not. The only fulfillment and satisfaction I will find is in Christ alone. The “right” job, a relationship, a family, living near my family or feeling settled will not satisfy me. It may for a time, but ultimately those things will never be enough. In the past few months, God has taken the stability from all of those things, and it’s almost as if He’s put it in a box and said, “These things will not satisfy you. Ever.” He is waiting for me to find my satisfaction, fulfillment and happiness in Him and Him alone.
So…if you are still reading, you can see that God is attempting to teach me a lot right now, but mostly that in life on this earth, change is part of the journey.
Praise God that HE is constant. HE never changes. HE is stable and HE will always be enough.