365 Days…and Counting.

So…I wanted to write this post a couple of weeks ago, but it just hasn’t been feasible. Warning: it’s a tad long.

It’s been a little more than 365 days ago now that I officially made the move from West Palm Beach back “Home” (Central Florida). Because I feel that I’ve learned so much and experienced so much in the past year, I wanted to take a little bit of time to reflect on where I’ve been and where God’s brought me (literally and figuratively).

October 17, 2008 marked the beginning of this part of my journey. And the following are random lessons learned and experiences had that may not have been possible at this time in my life if I hadn’t listened to God’s quiet voice saying, “It’s time to go ‘home’ now.”

In the last year, I have…

• Had the opportunity to live life on a daily basis with my sister, brother-in-law and nephew for about nine months. And, now have the opportunity to live with two of my best friends.
• Been able to visit my parents without tons of planning and preparation. One hour drives are much easier to make at the last minute than three hour drives.
• Learned to trust God for the “simplest” of provisions…namely, a roof over my head and food to eat.
• Learned to make difficult decisions that defy my human understanding, but that honor God.
• Come to firmly believe that I have all that I need through my relationship with God in Jesus. No amount of friends, mentors, money or alleged circumstantial stability can provide what I need.
• Become a little entrepreneur, launching Two Florida Girls with my sister and doing odd freelance jobs for various non-profit and ministry organizations. I never thought the word “entrepreneur” and my name could ever be in the same sentence!
• Finished my Master’s Degree in Organizational Leadership from Palm Beach Atlantic University and joined the first-ever Orlando Campus cohort, meeting 7 incredible leaders who I now call friends.
• Learned (over and over and over again…and then some more…and do you see a theme here? Think God might be trying to help me grasp something?!) about the process of transition and change at a time that it was most applicable to my life. Thanks, Moses. Thanks, Israelites. Thanks, Dr. Holder.
• Taken steps so far outside of my comfort zone, just because God asked me to.
• Seen God provide me with more than I can begin to lay claim to. Without gainful employment for a year, I’m not sure how I still have a cell phone, health insurance, car insurance and gas money. Praise God for His provision!
• Begun to accept and recognize God’s moving in my circumstances…even when I don’t understand. Even when I thought I “needed” a certain job or position.
• Been available for my family at a time where it has been most needed…because I accepted God’s moving of my circumstances.
• Been able to attend Bible Study Fellowship with Kati, Paul and now, Cadence. What a blessing!
• Found new opportunities to serve. My favorite is my weekly position in Guest Services at Give Kids The World.
• Experienced the early moments of Cadence’s life, and been able to watch her grow so much already.
• Been able to spoil Paul and Cadence even more than I could have from three hours away!
• Completed my first 5K and am signed up for number 2 in December!
• Realized that I do have multiple “jobs”…I’m just not being paid monetarily for all of them.
• Truly begun to live and understand one of my favorite quotes…”Jesus never measured His life by how or where He was of the greatest use. God places His saints where they will bring the most glory to Him, and we are totally incapable of judging where that may be.” -Oswald Chambers

Sorry…I told you it was long. And, that’s not even all of it…just the highlights!

But, praise God that He continues to work in my life and the lives of those closest to me. I can honestly say, the last year hasn’t been easy and there’s still more adjusting and settling to be done, but I know that God is faithful. He is good. His plan is perfect. And, He knows what He’s doing.

Thanks for reading.

Bummed…but Convinced

I’m bummed…

But I’m also convinced…

There’s a reason I’m not gearing up for Day One of Catalyst in Atlanta right now.

I don’t know what it is, but honestly I’m convinced God had a different plan.

If you don’t know, Catalyst is THE conference geared for young leaders–especially ministry and church leaders. I’ve wanted to attend for YEARS. And every year there’s been some reason that I could not go. This year, even though Cadence was due to arrive the day I’d need to leave for Catalyst, I decided to take the plunge and buy a ticket.

I was so excited. I was even looking forward to the solo road trip, thinking ahead to all the podcasts I’d be able to catch up on. I’d lined up a great place to stay, with a friend who recently moved to Atlanta and who I haven’t seen in quite some time. I’d also talked to several others who would be there, knowing that we would meet up to sit together, eat together and just enjoy the time together.

As it got closer, I was starting to become convinced that Cadence knew I was going to be out of town and she was planning her arrival accordingly. But as you know my sweet niece arrived Saturday morning, giving me the “a-ok” in my mind to travel to Atlanta.

Well…God had a different plan. Obviously. And I’m not saying that because it’s the “right thing to say.” I honestly believe it.

I have been fighting a cold since Monday night. When I was so sick Tuesday that I couldn’t go to BSF, I knew a trip to Atlanta was out of the question. Fortunately I had a friend who’d already made his way to Atlanta hoping to find a ticket (Catalyst sold out this year). I coordinated a ticket hand off with some other friends coming through Orlando on their way and now he is able to attend.

Anyway…so this was kind of a long story to say (again) that I am convinced there is a reason I was not supposed to make the trip to Atlanta this year. I don’t know what that reason is, and I may never know, but I trust that God has a reason.

And, now, I’m ready for this cold to go away so that I can go hang out with Paul and Cadence!

Here’s hoping for Catalyst 2010!

Postmodern Building

We recently began watching The Truth Project in my Sunday School class. It’s an incredibly challenging and thought provoking series about the basis of our Christian faith. During the second week’s lecture, a short video clip of Ravi Zacharias was shown. In the clip he told this story:

Postmodernism plays word games with us. Postmodernism tells us there’s no such thing as truth; no such thing as meaning; no such thing as certainty. I remember lecturing at Ohio State University, one of the largest universities in this country. I was minutes away from beginning my lecture, and my host was driving me past a new building called the Wexner Center for the Performing Arts.

He said, “This is America’s first postmodern building.”

I was startled for a moment and I said, “What is a postmodern building?”

He said, “Well, the architect said that he designed this building with no design in mind. When the architect was asked, ‘Why?’ he said, ‘If life itself is capricious, why should our buildings have any design and any meaning?’ So he has pillars that have no purpose. He has stairways that go nowhere. He has a senseless building built and somebody has paid for it.”

I said, “So his argument was that if life has no purpose and design, why should the building have any design?”

He said, “That is correct.”

I said, “Did he do the same with the foundation?”

All of a sudden there was silence. You see, you and I can fool with the infrastructure as much as we would like, but we dare not fool with the foundation because it will call our bluff in a hurry.

Well said, sir.

Dinner Party

**Disclaimer: Let it be known up front, I am not telling the following story in order to boast about myself, Kasey or Matt. I realized that it may be encouraging to someone else, and wanted to share.**

“And I realized that, for this night at least, I didn’t much care if anyone was the marrying kind or not–not even me. Who could tell? We none of us knew for sure what kind we were, exactly, but as long as we were the kind that could sit around eating together and having a lovely time, that was enough. Which just goes to show, I guess, that dinner parties are like everything else–not as fragile as we think they are.” –from Julie & Julia by Julie Powell

Before I tell my story, please know that I use the above quote, not because any of us are trying to decide if we are “the marrying kind,” but because I feel like it describes the satisfaction of enjoying a meal with a group of people and “having a lovely time.”

On Wednesday morning, Kasey and I decided it would be fun to have a Thursday night dinner party. Mind you, we still don’t know many people in the area. At any rate, the Ainsleys and I decided to put ourselves out there and invite a random group of people for dinner. It started with inviting three people and we ended up with ten coming for dinner! We were excited, and nervous.

I made chicken enchiladas and “crack” brownies. Kasey cleaned and cleaned the house and then made homemade salsa. We were all ready to go. As people began arriving, we welcomed them and began making introductions. Funny enough, we thought nametags might have been helpful. There were connections between everyone at the party that would later be discovered, but prior to Thursday night no one really knew each other.

Everyone seemed to have a great time, and it was so apparent that all of us are looking for community, for people to live life with. Several people even mentioned that they wanted to do dinner again, and possibly on a more regular basis.

So…here’s why I tell this story…hopefully it will serve as an encouragement to someone out there. Naturally, I am very much an introvert, but I’ve worked hard over the years to extend myself to others when appropriate. Living and working in the same place for so long meant that I had a very established group of friends. I never had to venture outside of that, but would often work to help connect new people to others they might be able to relate to. After moving, I waited and waited for someone to “connect” me in my new community. I even prayed that God would put someone in my life that would be that person for me. Eventually, I felt that He made it clear that I needed to step out and work on building community amongst the small handful of people I was meeting. And, that’s what I’ve been doing. And, I’m glad I have. Even though I have worried what other people would think, the benefits of beginning to connect with others in community is worth it. In fact, a couple of people have even thanked me for kick-starting things.

So, again, please don’t take this the wrong way. I have no doubt that God is working and that He prompted Kasey, Matt and me. I am not even beginning to try to take credit or say “look at us.” Really, I’m hoping this will serve as encouragement to someone.

Looking for new friends? Hoping to build community and find others to live life with? Take a risk. Invite someone to coffee. Or lunch. Invite a group over for dinner. Or go out to dinner.

It was risky for us, but we did it. And, we are glad we did.

I’m sure this isn’t the end of the story, but we’ll say it began on August 20, 2009.

To be continued…

Vote for Katie

Go Vote!

My sweet friend Katie entered a wall decal design contest. Head on over to this website, and vote for her designs. She can win $150!!! It only takes a second and you don’t even have to give them your email address.

The bottom two on the page are hers–”branches” and “peony sketch.”

Just do it! Thanks!

You Have All That You Need…And Then Some: a conversation with God

Forgive me…I promised this post a long time ago. Better a longer wait than never, eh?

Alright…so basically the story goes a little something like this.

After living in West Palm Beach for eleven years, I moved back to the Central Florida area in October (2008). I moved here without a job, without a place of my own and without more friends than I could count on one hand. Many days since my move have found my mind focused on the things/people/circumstances I DON’T have in Central Florida.

On one such day, I was driving and praying. In the middle of giving my list of “needs” to God,–Lord, I need a job. Lord, I need some friends. Lord, I need a place to live that’s mine. Lord, I need…Lord, I need…Lord, I need…–I heard His characteristically still, small voice. He said (and I quote), “You have all that you need…and then some.”

I stopped. And, started thinking. Indeed…I have all that I need…AND THEN SOME.

• I have a roof over my head (AND then some bed to sleep in…).
• I have three meals a day (AND then some frivolous snacks…AND then some coffee).
• I have enough money to keep driving my car (AND using my cell phone).
• I have car insurance (AND then some health insurance).
• I have so many people who I consider close/good friends (AND then some new potential friends in Central Florida).
• I have a family who loves me and supports me (AND seems to like having me nearby).
• I have a God who knows me (AND then loves me in spite of that).

So…there you go. I don’t deserve any of this…and the list could go on and on. God doesn’t owe me anything. And, this isn’t anything I didn’t already know. But this short conversation with God has carried me for weeks.

Of course, I find it nearly impossible to remember this perspective every minute of every day, but I’m trying. And, it’s a moment by moment choice.

Life as I Know It: an update

Well…here we are…almost six weeks away from the last update that I wrote (check out this post). And while I don’t really have anything much different going on, I find myself with a better attitude…today.

The keyword in that sentence? Today.

That’s what my life consists of these days…moving forward, taking the next right step, trying to have the right perspective–one day at a time. I mean, really, that’s probably the way we are SUPPOSED to/INTENDED to live.

Too bad it’s not easy and too bad I’d rather see the bigger picture, but right now that’s not an option. Right now, God says, “here’s what I need you to do TODAY.” And it’s my responsibility to listen and be obedient.

That’s it.

It’s a process–a daily process.

But God is walking me through it. By no means do I have it figured out, and by no means do I “love” it, but God continues to gently remind me that I have all that I need…at least for today. And, really that’s all that I can be concerned with for now.

Thoughts From Church

For the last few of weeks, Isaac (the pastor at Summit Church) has been going through Moses’ story in Exodus. This week he tackled the plagues and he said a few things that I took note of and thought I’d share. See if any of these strike a chord with you…

“What God calls us to always requires His presence and power. If not, it’s too small of a dream.”

“God is the first place Moses goes to with his frustration, even at his moments of highest capacity.” (Isaac noted that this was part of what made Moses such an incredible leader.)

“We refuse to accept the call of God on our lives until ‘tomorrow,’ even if we hate where we are right now.” (This was related to Pharoah’s response in Exodus 8:10. When Moses told Pharoah that he could decide when the plague would end, Pharoah said, “Tomorrow.” Isaac’s point was…”why didn’t he say RIGHT NOW?!”)

“Don’t let things you don’t understand get in the way of you obeying what you do understand.”

Just a little to think about…good stuff if you ask me.

I’d encourage you to check out his podcast too…they update it each week with his sermons. Click here for the podcast info.

Well Said, Mr. Batterson.

I had to repost this from Mark Batterson’s blog. I can’t take any credit at all for it, and I’m simply copying and pasting what he wrote because I just think it’s that good. It looks long but it won’t take you more than five minutes to read. Promise. Read it. It’s good stuff.

Trust His Timing

Time is relative.

What I mean by that is this: the way we experience it is subjective. It depends on what you’re doing. Ever been on a date with someone you love? Time flies. Ever been on a date with someone you didn’t like? Speed dating isn’t fast enough.

The way we experience time also depends on how old we are. If you’re six years-old, summer break is 4% of you life. If you’re twenty-five, it’s 1%. If you’re fifty, it’s .5%. The older you get, the faster time seems to fly because relatively speaking it becomes a smaller and smaller fraction of your life! By the way, that is why when you were a kid, a two-hour trip in the car seemed like an eternitybecause relatively speaking, it was much longer for you than the adult who was driving!

So what?

Well, I think most of us have a hard time handling a bad day. We have a very low threshold for circumstantial uncertainty or spiritual discontinuity. We need answers. And we need them now. I would suggest that we need some biblical perspective. When we look at our lives through the lens of Scripture, our perspective on time changes.

We have a hard waiting for God to fulfill His promise. But what about Abraham and Sarah? They had to wait 15 years before Isaac was born. We have a hard time suffering for a season. But what about the invalid in John 5 who was in that condition for 38 years. And that’s when the average lifespan was 20-30. We have a hard time waiting for God to make sense of our circumstances. But what about Joseph? He was a slave and a prisoner for 17 years before becoming Prime Minister of Egypt. Or Moses? He was a fugitive for40 years! And we have a hard time waiting to fulfill our calling. But even Jesus didn’t transition from carpentry to ministry til he was 30.

We need to zoom out and get some biblical perspective. We think in days. But we might need to think in years. Here’s what I know for sure: those that God wants to use the most have to go through the longest season of preparation. You might have to struggle a little bit longer so you can learn some more lessons or develop some more character. You might need to suffer a little bit longer so God can reveal a little bit more of His glory in your life! 

What I’m getting at is this: trust His timing. He is never early. He is never late. As we grow spiritually, I think we take a different perspective on time. It’s less about chronos–time. It’s more aboutkairos–timing. And for the record, He is far more concerned aboutwho you’re becoming in the process than when you arrive at your destination. Maybe you need to quit praying for deliverance andstart praying for revelation. 

One last thought from Acts 1: “You don’t get to the know the time.Timing is the Father’s business.”

Not much has changed has it?

Written by Mark Batterson on Evotional.com

A God-Sized Lesson from a Two-Year-Old

A couple of weeks ago, God taught me a big lesson from what could have seemed like a relatively insignificant situation with my two-year-old nephew. I’ve been meaning to write this, but just haven’t gotten around to it. So…here it is…

We sat down to dinner one night (my sister, brother-in-law, nephew and me) and told Paul that we were all going to go to the store when we were done. He was very excited about that. Because Paul sometimes has trouble with eating all of his food, part of the deal with going to the store was that he had to finish all of his dinner. After about an hour of waiting on him to finish, it was determined that Bradley and Kati would go to the store on their own, and I would stay home with Paul. He was devastated. He cried and cried. And my heart hurt too. After a few minutes, he calmed down and life went on with truck playing and bath taking. He even recounted what had happened and explained to me that he could not go to the store with Mommy and Daddy because he “didn’t finish all his pat-sta” (that’s “pasta” in Paul-speak).

In the scheme of life, this situation was not anything huge. So, the two-year-old didn’t get the desired outcome he was going for. I’m sure it happens with kids all the time. But that night, in that moment, I believe that God allowed me to feel a little bit of what He must feel when He is forced to discipline us as his children. I was so sad for Paul. You have to understand that he literally had half a bite of pasta left. That’s it. Half a bite was all that stood between him and a trip to the store.

How many times is that me as I attempt to relate to God in my finite way of understanding? How many times does He ask me to take a small step, or follow through on something that may seem like a little detail? And how many times do I chose to prefer my own way or think I can get away without complete obedience?

And, how much does God’s heart break when He decides the most loving thing for me is to discipline me? How sad is He when He sees the end result, and knows it’s a small, small step He’s asking me to take, but I just refuse to take it?

As I typed this, I’m not sure it made sense, and I know there’s not a pretty ending. But, it makes sense to me. And if I typed it just to reinforce the lesson for myself, then so be it. God will use His truth to continue molding and shaping my heart into the person He needs me to be.